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Amusing Diagrams in Airline Safety Instructions - Look out, it’s evil!
Helping to drag America, kicking & screaming, into the Age of Enlightenment
6_bleen_7
6_bleen_7
Amusing Diagrams in Airline Safety Instructions
I feel sorry for the artists who draw the diagrams in airplane safety cards. They have to draw people dealing with all sorts of emergency situations, but for PR reasons aren’t allowed to give them realistic facial expressions or body language.



“Be sure to put on your own mask before assisting your homunculus.” (United Airlines, B737) For some reason, these artists have real trouble with drawing accurately proportioned children. In the Southwest Airlines version of the last panel, you assist a tiny adult with the face of Alfred E. Neuman (photo pending).




“Lift up the cushion, hold it to your chest, and look sultry.” (United Airlines, B737)




“Eagerly, but not too eagerly, select an oxygen mask. Grasp firmly and pull down while turning your wrist 180°. By the time you assist your child, the ‘shrooms will have kicked in, so your pupils will be the size of dinner plates.” (American Airlines, CRJ)




“With a vague look of dissatisfaction, grasp the straps and hold the cushion to you in the great white void. As the waters rise, continue to wear the vague look of dissatisfaction because you’ve been shooting up too much Botox.” (American Airlines, CRJ)




I seriously doubt that the average airline passenger could wrest the emergency door open as shown, while fully seated and facing directly forward. You’d need to be André the Giant to get enough leverage. And you’d need to OD on Thorazine to complete the procedure with such a perfect air of detachment. Last panel: “After you alight from the wing, skip for joy along the green arrow.” (American Airlines, CRJ)

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Comments
chillyrodent From: chillyrodent Date: September 26th, 2013 10:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
Maybe the Thorazine Shuffle is the best choice for the Dance of the Green Arrow.
6_bleen_7 From: 6_bleen_7 Date: September 27th, 2013 12:56 am (UTC) (Link)
Heh—I have to wonder why nobody is helping the Shufflers down off that wing.
likethewatch From: likethewatch Date: September 28th, 2013 04:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
Is there some fiction where zombies are called Shufflers? I'm in a writing group with an author who calls his zombies by that name and we were under the illusion it was original.
likethewatch From: likethewatch Date: September 28th, 2013 04:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
The woman on the green arrow looks jaunty.
chillyrodent From: chillyrodent Date: September 28th, 2013 05:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
Mais oui! It's how I look every time I escape a fiery air disaster.
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